You can mash potato. And you can do the twist. But tell me baby (tell me baby), can you twice bake potato without having your eyes roll into the back of your head, your toes curl up and your entire body spasm in shear orgasmic delight? If so, you're probably missing eyes, a nose, taste buds and a soul.

The beauty of the twice baked potato lies in its simplicity. Also, the bacon bits and gruyere. The recipe follows a basic taste edict. If baking once makes something good. Baking twice will make it inspired. It's a rule I've applied to my thrice-fried pork knuckles and my 68-time beer-battered Ding-Dongs.

A simple Google search for "twice baked potato" amasses 256,000 hits. A similar YouPorn search for "twice baked potato" curiously amasses zero. Have I gone mad? Does "twice baked potato" not sound infinitely more appealing than "pregnant amateur ebony double anal"? Why is that a thing people pleasure themselves to? Who are these people and how do they not find the potato, cheese, onion combo immensely more appetizing than the knocked up, stretch-marked, jungle fever combo? For my utterly sane, like-minded, food-rogering compatriots out there, have no fear. You are not alone. And rest assured, I will once again be offering my annual class, "The Twice Baked Potato's G-spot and You". Plenty of spots are still available. Come hither.