Oh, cheese. What can we say about it that hasn't already been said? Nothing, other than it comes from the dirty, sagging tits of large, hairy animals that eat where they shit, shit where they fuck, and fuck without that awkward, post-coital cuddle sesh. All that being said, how did cheese get to be so goddamn fine? There are a few theories. One is the taste. Another is that the acidification of milk and subsequent addition of coagulation-inducing enzyme rennet is just fucking hot. Yet another, and the one that fries my particular zucchini, is the stink. More accurately, the stank. There's just something naughty, and boner-producing, about wondering whether you're actually chewing a hunk of Camembert or sucking the toes of a street-walking, Thai whore. Maybe it's the confusion. Maybe it's my propensity for Thai working girls. Or maybe, just maybe, I like the idea of my food coming from the dirty, sagging tits of large, hairy animals. Whatever it is, I just know I want that cheese inside me.