Things happen when you combine meat, cheese, bacon, oozy, molten pig fat and a digital SLR. Namely, I get a boner capable of smashing redwoods into sawdust. Fortunately for the world's forests, all I've got to smash here is my desk. Unfortunately for my employer, that desk now has a penis-sized hole in it, making it look more like a whack-a-mole game than a place to do work. Seriously though, look at that thing and just try to stop your pants from shrinking. I still can't tell if I'm sitting in a pool of saliva or something slightly more viscous. Thank you cheeseburger. Thank you for making this the most awkward workday since Hot Dog Day fell on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.